Self Exploration (day 13) – Awareness

One of my favorite words right now is awareness. I repeat it to myself multiple times a day, and reflect back upon it in a lot of conversations I have. I have no intention of walking around this world blind. If I’m going to be hurting somebody, I want to know. If I’m going to be a leader, I need to know how. If I’m going to wake up every day, I need to be conscious and aware.

For a few years I did a test of reducing my sleeping hours to about 4 hours a night. I have never had a hard time sleeping. I could fall asleep in a busy pub or a public office – no, I’m not admitting to anything! I did this intentionally because the more awake hours of the day I had, the more conscious and aware I was able to be. I have things to do, plans to formulate. Sleep? What’s that got to do with anything.

If I want to continue to develop my state of consciousness I must continue to release myself from the sheath of existence telling me how to act and when to act, telling me what’s right and wrong, and learning to listen to my true self, not necessarily related to my ego self.

I respect that this is a life long journey. I don’t get anxious relapsing on old ways of doing things. The mere fact that I’m recognizing I’m doing something the way I’m trying not to do it, to me, means I’m growing.

Awareness.

This lifelong process of becoming more aware and learning means that I must first start off recognizing what I’m doing!

Awareness. Everything that I’m trying to do right now is related to awareness; I think for almost all of life awareness is the key to living a healthier and more peaceful life. I am slowly becoming aware that everything is related.

What I’m eating. How I’m talking. How I’m moving my body. How I’m sleeping. How my energy floats around me. What I’m dedicated to. The tools I use. My sexuality and sex. My style. My art. My success. Everything.

I can see how being aware can effect self confidence. I feel that this relies on intention. I take what I learn from being aware and re-apply it to my consciousness – repetitively, so I can become more aware. So far, this has only helped me grow stronger.

This is nothing but learning, and I’m in it for the long haul.