Self Exploration (day 20) – Expression

I know that I enjoy expressing myself. I know that my fear resists performance, what I have usually expected expression leads to. I’m starting to accept both of these facts, and I have been spending time trying understand how I can work with this to my advantage.

I’m learning to adjust my commitments to fit my unique self, This means collecting hints from the wise ones before me, not simply following blueprints.

I have learned that I enjoy my pure expression in every aspect of my life, not just creating a painting or a poem. I enjoy crafting my outfits, building my camera gear, or even designing my public image. Full on intentional expression.

Sure, I’m going to grow and change along the way, but you can bet that I’m going to be intentional and learn as I go.

A friend and I were having a discussion recently about design. He quoted an architect who described the fallacy of designing a finished product and working backwards to detail the logistics. He explained we should start with a rough idea and slowly work out each little detail and when that’s done we’ll probably have a far more elaborate, advanced and unique design then if we were to have started at the end.

Thinking about the passions in my life I wonder if they have all been my own ideas? Or were they given to me from a girl I was courting, a caring parent, from subliminal advertisements I was watching, or even from music I was listening, idols I had. I can’t help but feel that a lot of my own voice, my expression, has been heavily influenced and/or lost along the way.

My intentions are blurry and the memories are filled mostly with holes, but it gives me thought as I move forward.

I firmly believe that in our modern world of maximum stimulus, my expression is so interlaced with somebody else’s ideals that it may just take me a lifetime to untangle myself from these train tracks, these ruts.

I can only hope that I start listening to my voices and pull out my own truths so that I can slowly begin introducing more and more of them into my life, listening to myself and designing from the start.

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