Self Exploration (day 37) – Hurt

I have never met a human who didn’t have some kind of hurt in their life. I believe we are animals built to withstand hurt, both physical and mental. We can repair bruises, cuts, and breaks. We can overcome insults, breakups, and loss.

Hurt is natural, much like the weather and aging.

I think it is rather silly of me to try and avoid it like the plague. I think it is far smarter when I accept that it probably will happen, and instead work on building the strength it will require to overcome this hurt.

I eat my healthy fruits and vegetables. I try to ensure I get the minerals and vitamins my body needs. I try to build confidence so insults don’t wound me. I try to be aware of my actions and give my attention and appreciate who I’m with fully so that they know I am here/there with them, as much as I can be in that moment so they know when I go, I was there fully. So that when I go, I will be a strong affectionate memory.

I still hurt. No matter the strength I build, I still hurt because I’m still trying, I’m still doing, and that part of me will never give up. I also do not believe that strength is to close ourselves off to hurt. On the contrary, I believe that is weakness.

I think hurt is much like failure in that no matter how much failure we have, we must get back up and go at it again (hopefully learning a thing or two though!). There is no excuse I can make to myself that is worth the defeat of not trying again. And convincing myself to not even try in the first place because of a chance for hurt is never a justification I allow myself to have.

And then there is sometimes when I just want to hurt. I want to feel the raw stretching of my skin, or the deep hurt of a distant memory. I want to wallow in it so bad that I turn on my soft music to help ease me in there. I never have a plan that lays out my route there, I never wake up thinking today I will be hurt.

Perhaps I should have a plan that gets me out?

I guess I’ve come to the understanding that to hurt is to feel alive, just as much as to jump up and scream loudly or to catapult down a hill on a few sticks.

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